<![CDATA[FAMILY & FRIENDS CONNECTION, INC. - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS]]>Sat, 20 Sep 2025 19:43:44 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Why Battered Men Don't Leave or Remain Silent]]>Mon, 30 Oct 2017 15:16:11 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/why-battered-men-dont-leave-or-remain-silentWhy do We Stay?

Understanding why men stay in abusive relationships or remain silent...

Do any of these questions sound familiar?  "Why don't you
leave if it's that bad?" or "How can you let this happen?" or "If I was you I wouldn't put up with that." or how about the king of  asinine  questions...  "

Why don't you just kick her out? "

By asking those questions or making those statements, friends and family members are re-victimizing us. Not having been abused, they have absolutely no idea what it's like to feel totally worthless and ashamed.

Their self-esteem has not been stomped into the floor. They have not been clawed, stabbed, slapped, punched, kicked in the groin, humiliated and degraded.  They do not understand how the whole process of abuse gradually deteriorates soul and self... piece by piece.

Only those of us who are being abused can understand why we've stayed. We have a million reasons why we can't stay and million reasons why we can't leave.

Why battered men don't leave or remain silent:

Fear of having a 911 call turned around:  If a man is being
battered and trying to protect the kids, and he calls 911, all too frequently he is the one who ends up being arrested. At a minimum, he may experience problems getting the police to believe that he's been assaulted or that he needs police
help.


"Men are also less likely to call the police, even when there is injury, because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a "real man" would be able to keep her under control.

Moreover, the police tend to share these same traditional gender role expectations. This adds to the legal and regulatory presumption that the offender is a man. As a result, the police are reluctant to arrest women for domestic assault. Women know this. That is, they know they are likely to be able to get away with it. As in the case of other crimes, the probability of a woman assaulting her partner is strongly influenced by what she thinks she can get away with. " -

Murray A. Straus - Family Violence
Researcher

]]><![CDATA[DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS]]>Sat, 21 Dec 2013 08:00:00 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/first-postABUSE IS NOT OK!
 Domestic Violence Awareness
If you are being victimized by domestic violence and abuse, it is not your fault! Only the abuser is responsible for the abusive acts. You cannot be a good enough wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend or daughter or son to make it stop.

God cares about you and does not want you to suffer harm. If you are a person who is abusive, then you can stop. You can choose not to wield power over another person. God has all the power in the world yet He allows us to choose for ourselves.

All persons are made in the image of God and therefore, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  Domestic Violence & Abuse is not OK!

Get Help Today!
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides Crisis Intervention, Information and Referral to Victims of Domestic Violence, Perpetrators, Friends and Families. Assistance is available to both Males and Females, The Abused and the Abuser.

October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Each year in the U.S., women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner related physical assaults. Men are the victims of about 2.9 million intimate partner related physical assaults. The numbers have not increased over the past years but they have not decreased either and are still unacceptably high. Why?    Read More.

PLEASE GET HELP!
Call:  1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 
TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Help through email: ndvh@ndvh.org
Or Contact Your State Coalition Office

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]]><![CDATA[I Think I May be Abusive ... What Can I Do?]]>Fri, 19 Oct 2012 15:41:22 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/i-think-i-may-be-abusive-what-can-i-do      I think I may be abusive ... what can I do? 
                             Am I abusive?

A number of men and women are concerned that they may be abusive towards their partner. You may have read through part of Hidden Hurt and other Domestic Abuse sites and recognized yourself in some of the pages, or your partner may have told you that your behavior towards her/him is abusive and told you how much you hurt and upset them. 

If you are not quite sure whether your actions could be considered abusive or not, read through the Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality and search your heart. Are any of those actions or attitudes ones you tend towards? You may also find it helpful to read the article by John Stibbs on healthy and unhealthy relationships: Emotional Boundaries. Does your relationship tend more towards a healthy or an unhealthy one?

Maybe you could ask yourself some of the following questions:
  • Would you treat your boss, mate or next-door-neighbor the same way as you do your partner?
  • If someone else were treating your daughter, son, brother, sister or friend the same way as you treat your partner, would you consider it okay or not?
  • Has your partner told you that your behavior is unreasonable or abusive?
  • Has your partner either left you or threatened to leave you if you don't stop being nasty to her/him?
  • Have previous relationships gone to the wall due to your behavior?
If you have answered NO to either of the first questions, and YES to any of the last three, then the chances are pretty high that you are abusive towards your partner.

On Taking Responsibility
First of all, if you have realized that some of your actions and attitudes towards your partner may be abusive, you have already made a very important step toward change and being able to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship. Well done! It is difficult and painful to realize that you may be hurting someone you love, but it is the first step towards change.

The only person who can make a difference is YOU! One of the main problems with repeat abusers and perpetrators is denial of the abusive nature of their actions and attitudes, and denial of any 'real' effect on their victims. Acknowledging to ourselves that we have a problem, or that we are hurting someone we love is very, very difficult and painful, and many people can never quite admit it to themselves.

A lot of abusive behaviors are ingrained, they may have been part of your personality and coping mechanism since childhood, and they are difficult not just to recognize, but also to crack. Nobody else can do that for you, you have to take responsibility for your actions yourself - fully.

This means recognizing when you are saying something hurtful or doing something harmful to your partner; learning to recognize your reactions within yourself, how you feel when you get wound up, how you feel after an abusive episode; the thoughts and excuses you make to yourself to allow you to deny you are really doing anything wrong. Ask yourself some of these questions:
  • do you regularly vent your frustration on your partner?
  • do you tell yourself that your partner is overreacting to 'being told off'?
  • do you tell your partner they are 'making a fuss about nothing' or 'making a mountain out of molehill'?
  • do you tell yourself what you do is not that bad, so-and-so would be far worse?
  • do you think that if your partner just didn't 'wind you up on purpose' then the abuse would not happen?
  • do you tell yourself that your partner deserved the abuse, coz they are not perfect either?
  • do you tell yourself that because you only get nasty when you are drunk, it isn't really the same as if you were really abusive?
If you answered YES to any of the above, you may still not be taking full responsibility for your actions. It may be a good idea to discuss the abuse, your feelings about it and attitudes towards your partner with a third person, preferably someone not involved with either of you, such as a counselor or helpline volunteer.

Check out these helpful  links .

Are You Narcissistic?
Narcissistic Behavior

Do You Have A Co-dependnt Lifestyle?
Co-dependency]]><![CDATA[I am An Abuser...Can I Be Helped?]]>Thu, 18 Oct 2012 07:00:00 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/i-am-an-abusercan-i-be-helpedThings which are not recommended

If violence has been, and especially if it currently still is an issue in your relationship, then Couple Counseling is not recommended. Nor is Mediation if you are going through separation or divorce. Basically the abuse itself has to be dealt with BEFORE any form of joint counseling or mediation can be effective, and in the meantime can, at best, deflect from the actual problem and fudge responsibility issues.

In the past Anger Management courses have been recommended for abusers, especially men who have been violent towards their wives or female partners. However, more and more research seems to be indicating that such courses are not effective in dealing with abusive behavior as such, as abuse is less about being able to control anger, and more about basic attitudes and control issues. In short, anger management may be part of the problem, but is usually not either the main problem or the root cause of Domestic Abuse.

Will getting help 'save' my relationship?
It may, or it may not. Often by the time the perpetrator realizes he or she has a problem, too much has already happened and the trust cannot be rebuilt. Sadly a lot of men will refer themselves to perpetrator programmes in a bid to stop their partner from leaving or even in a bid to persuade her to come back and give it another try. If you are seeking help with the sole intention or keeping or regaining a partner who has decided to leave due to your abuse, then you are probably approaching it with the wrong motives - more as a tool to get or keep what you want than as a necessary change in yourself.

Perpetrator programmes or counseling can really only help if YOU want to change. You may have to accept that due to your behavior you have lost the person you love, but at the very least you can try to ensure that you do not cause more pain and hurt to the next person you get involved in.

Other issues to bear in mind
Alcohol or Drug abuse. Frequently Domestic Violence is related to alcohol or drug abuse. It is easy to turn around and 'blame' the drink for the abuse, telling yourself that you really don't want to be nasty, but that when you are drunk, you just don't realize what you are doing. I am sorry, but this in itself is another form of denial and blame-shifting. If you know that you get violent or nasty when you drink, or that there is a risk that you will, why do you continue drinking, and putting your partner at risk? If you are serious about wanting to change your abusive tendencies, then the first thing you will do is deal with your alcohol or drug addiction, and then you will be free to deal with the underlying issues within yourself which 'allow' you to turn violent or nasty while either drunk or on drugs.

Survivors of childhood abuse. A percentage of abusers were victims of childhood abuse themselves. If you are one of them, know that it is not uncommon to internalize and in some way 'act out' the abuse you experienced in later in life on other people. There is help for you, and you would probably benefit from counseling to help you come to terms with your own experiences as a child and understand how they have affected you throughout your life and in respect of your relationships.

Often there are a lot of suppressed feelings of anger, betrayal and pain which may in part be an underlying issue in the abuse you perpetrate on others. There are loads of support groups and counselors qualified to help 

Taking time out. One tactic or coping mechanism that many abusers have learned to use effectively is 'taking time out'. This basically involves recognizing when you are reaching the point at which you are likely to become abusive, and literally removing yourself. You may go for a walk, go into another room or go down the garden and do some weeding. The important thing is to remove yourself 'from the boil', take time out, and learn to calm down again.

Obviously it would be a good idea to tell your partner you intend 'taking time out' before the event occurs - or they may be left wondering what you are doing! It is not suggested that you use this coping tactic instead of counseling, but simply that many have found it helpful in avoiding abusive actions and making themselves more aware of what they are feeling and thinking.


]]><![CDATA[Local Community DV Awareness]]>Wed, 28 Dec 2011 08:00:00 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/local-community-dv-awareness
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DV PREVENTION & AWARENESS IS KEY
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Women In Distress of Broward County, Inc. is the only nationally accredited, state-certified, full service domestic violence center serving Broward County.

Our mission is to provide victims of domestic violence with safe shelter, crisis intervention and resources, and to educate the community in order to Stop Abuse For Everyone (SAFE) through Intervention, Education and Advocacy.

TO SEEK HELP:
• Call WID at 954-761-1133   24/7 Hotline
• Call the Florida Domestic Violence Tollfree Hotline at 1-800-500-1119
• Call the National Domestic Violence Toll free Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

Christian Coalition Against Domestic Abuse (CCADA)
]]><![CDATA[After Effects Of a Domestic Violence Conviction - Part 1]]>Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:00:00 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/after-effects-of-a-domestic-violence-conviction-1
After Effects Of Domestic Violence Conviction 
(This information is for both males and females)

Many people believe being convicted for a DV offense is no big deal......Think again. Whether you are male or female, your life will never be the same.  Some of the normal privileges that you now so generously enjoy, and take for granted, will most definitely be stripped from you.   Read further to see how all of this can affect you in a negative way. Hopefully, if you are an abuser, you will change...get help to change after you read this.  

Public records and associated pains and penalties. 

1. Public employment:  You probably cannot hold any public service job, including teaching, nursing, social services, public office, etc. That is particularly true if you are with the police or fire department.

2. General employment:  You will probably lose any current job you have. Whatever your profession, statistics show there is about an 80% chance you will lose your job if convicted of domestic violence. That is specifically true if you are in a position that requires you to carry a weapon or handle or transport ammunition, explosives, or other hazardous materials, e.g. truck driver, mining, mineral exploration, construction.

3. Public records:  Your conviction is a matter of public record and you will find it extremely difficult to find another position except of the most menial kind. Even if the court agrees at the end of your probation to "seal" your records will typically remain on these databases as well as many others for the rest of your life.

We have never seen an example where a convicted offender's criminal records were not easily obtainable even though the individual claimed their records had been "sealed" or removed from public records. It is in the public interest that individual criminal records are easily obtainable.

4. Professional licenses:  You will likely lose any professional licenses, certificates, or bonds you may have, i.e., medical, legal, broker, teaching, securities, financial, commercial driver, airplane pilot, etc.

Obviously after a domestic violence conviction you will not be able to obtain any of these certificates or licenses in the future.

5. Child custody:  As a convicted domestic violence offender primary custody cannot pass to you. It is also common for children to end up in foster homes if their parent(s) are convicted of domestic violence.  A domestic violence conviction may often lead to a man being condemned to pay child support for children he is not the biological father of, and for children he does not, or cannot have contact with.

The law on paternity was slightly modified in 2008 but It is critical that paternity testing be done before any child support orders are entered.

6. Renting and leasing: Some state  laws  prohibits landlords from enforcing a lease or rental agreement when domestic violence is involved. Consequently, most will not rent or lease to anyone with a DV conviction.

7. Loans:  You may find it impossible to obtain a loan or buy a house with a domestic violence conviction on your record. Banks and mortgage companies have apparently suffered too many defaults after domestic violence was alleged in divorces so your credit rating will crater.

Generally student loans are not available to anyone with a domestic violence conviction.

8. Loss of home and bankruptcy:  Loss of employment, child support, and the expense of having to support two households typically means the family home will be sold or, at best, the wife will retain it and the husband pay for it after a domestic violence conviction.

The financial strain associated with these added burdens commonly leads to bankruptcy or, far too frequently, suicide.

So if you have been charged with domestic violence and haven't taken a plea bargain you had best consider getting a competent criminal defense attorney and defending yourself. ]]><![CDATA[After Effects Of Domestic Violence Conviction - Part 2]]>Mon, 28 Feb 2011 08:00:00 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/after-effects-of-domestic-violence-conviction-part-2
This is a continuation of our information series.

Besides a number of social problems and loss of privileges at the local level, if you are convicted of Domestic Violence you will also face Federal Penalties.
Federal Penalties 

1. Firearms and ammunition: You can never for the rest of your life legally, own, be in possession of, or in the vicinity of any firearm or ammunition 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(9). For example, if you are in a car and there is a single bullet or shell in the car you are guilty of a federal felony with a mandatory 5 to 10 year sentence. This is true whether you are given a deferred or adjudicated sentence as those are still convictions under federal law.

Obviously you can never again get a hunting license but the law bars you from even being in a hunting camp with other armed hunters. Gun collections are also denied, nor can you be in a home with guns or ammunition present.

Note that cartridges used in nail guns are ammunition so that you cannot work many construction jobs. Exploration for and exploitation of minerals, e.g., oil, gas, mining, will be excluded as well. You will also be barred from interstate transport of hazardous materials as well. And this summary of federally excluded activities is by no means exhaustive.

2. Security clearance:  You will not be able to obtain a security clearance and may well lose any current clearance you have. That will bar you from working on any government facility or military base in any position, e.g., construction or food contractor, where sensitive or classified material or equipment is present.

3. Government employment:  You probably cannot hold any government job and may lose any current federal job you have. That is especially true if you are in a position that requires you to carry a weapon or handle or transport ammunition, explosives, or other hazardous materials, or that requires a security clearance.

4. Military:  You will be discharged from the military or not allowed to reenlist.

Note that we have also encountered cases where a serviceman was not allowed to reenlist because his wife was convicted of domestic violence.

5. Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act (PL 97-252, 1982): Allows state divorce courts to divide as marital property any pension earned during the concomitant marriage/service period, regardless of fault, need, or independent wealth. It also penalizes a military member for perpetrating domestic violence on his civilian spouse/dependents by revoking any retirement benefits from him and providing these benefits to his victims.

1. Deported: If you are an immigrant, in the United States on a visa, or are an illegal alien, once convicted of domestic violence you can be deported. Under a 1996 federal law, that ruling applies whether you plead guilty, no contest, plea bargain, or accept a deferred judgement. You may also face charges of aggravated deportation and be required to serve up to ten years in a federal penitentiary before being deported.

The law requiring deportation also applies to a wide range of crimes ranging from manslaughter to misdemeanor drunken driving, as well as domestic violence.

With all this in mind, it is hoped that perpetrators of domestic violence will get help to stop this abusive behavior before you get arrested and convicted. 

It is also hoped, that with all these life changing penalties laid out, those who would file false charges for one reason or another, will reconsider what such false charges may do to the life of an innocent person, as they may be found guilty, depending on the king of  'fake evidence'  that is presented.

]]><![CDATA[Emergency Phone Numbers]]>Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:16:09 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/emergency-phone-numbersEmergency Phone Numbers

Here are some emergency phone numbers for information about safety planning, shelters, government assistance (food stamps, etc.), restraining orders, and more.  You may copy this information and keep it in a safe place.

Florida Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-500-1119

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233

Broward County Crisis Line:
954-761-1133

Miami-Dade County Crisis Line
305-758-2546

Palm beach County Crisis Line:
561-265-2900

Monroe County Crisis Line:
305-743-4440 ]]><![CDATA[Domestic Violence Consequences - False Reporting Matters]]>Thu, 10 Feb 2011 17:57:03 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/domestic-violence-consequences-false-reporting
Domestic Violence Consequences - Even False Charges Matter.

If I did not witness this myself, I probably would never believe it. I was in the parking lot of a local area strip mall when a well dressed, woman drove up in an SUV and got out to stand in front of another car in the parking lot.  She left a child in the back seat and went pounding on the other car drivers' side window. 

The person in the car was hardly visible due to the tinted windows.  After pounding on the window for a while she walked towards her car, ripped her blouse, used her long fake nails to scratch her neck, chest and face, she slapped the child and he started screaming.  Then she got on her cell phone and started screaming and yelling for the police.  I doubt that the person in the other car noticed what she was doing as she was to the other side of her SUV.

I wasn't being nosy, but this was rather strange, so I got in my car and just decided to wait a while. Wow.  The police were there so fast and she pointed to the car where she was pounding on the window.  They swarmed the car and ordered the driver out.   A well dressed man got out and she yelled, 'yes it's him, he just beat me up and threatened to kill me.'  She even had the nerve to tell the police that the person sitting in that car,' me' saw him do it.  I told them I didn't see anything like that but they didn't give me a chance to say what  I did see.  

I wanted to tell them that she was the criminal for slapping the innocent child and making a false police report.  It really rested on me for a while, that anyone, a woman, a mom, would be so evil.  That anyone would exploit the judicial system to take revenge, punish, or victimize another person like that.  Mind you, I don't know what happened at the house, I only saw what happened in the parking lot.  The man did nothing wrong in the parking lot...he seemed to have been trying to protect himself from HER when he remained locked in his car.  

Well the police took a good look at her, and asked if she wanted the paramedics and to my amazement, she said yes.  They placed the man in handcuffs even though he kept telling them he did nothing wrong.  He left the house to get away from her and she followed him to the parking lot just to cause trouble. I felt sorry for him, because the police believed her as she had 'signs of abuse.'  

That innocent man was arrested for domestic violence and abuse, including child abuse because she told them he slapped the child too...  I certainly would testify on his behalf if I had gotten the chance.  The police believed the woman..because they told him, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it is a duck!  So sad. 

I am putting this information here because I have heard some sad stories, and I have a very strong feeling that there are many of you out there, men and women, who are being victimized in this way.  My heart goes out to you if you are innocent and got hurt by a fake Domestic Violence charge.

Domestic violence is legally defined as abuse, threats, or violence that occurs within an intimate relationship.  Victims and offenders of domestic violence can be male or female.  This form of abuse can occur between spouses, intimate partners, siblings, or close relatives. 

In most cases, domestic violence is classified as a misdemeanor.  However, charges can be amplified if the offender somehow has a prior criminal record, has committed or has been accused of past domestic violence offenses, appears to have caused extensive bodily damage to the victim, or is accused of abusing a minor (person below the legal age), such as a child, or abuse of the elderly.  

Domestic Violence Consequences
If you are an abuser and hurt the people you are supposed to protect and love, you deserve to go to jail.  But if you are innocent, your life can be ruined with a fake charge.  Once a person is convicted of domestic violence in South Florida, he/she can be punished with: 
  • jail time
  • imprisonment
  • fines
  • community service
  • probation
  • mandatory counseling
  • house arrest
  • restraining orders
Protect Your Best Interests
If you are not an American citizen, this is really bad for you, because you can get deported.  This can also affect your ability to keep your present job, get a decent job or even make you become evicted, depending on where you are renting.  If  you work in health care, you may even end up loosing your license, and your ability to earn a decent living.

Due to the severity of the legal consequences involved, it is always to your benefit to speak with a qualified criminal defense attorney after you have been charged with domestic violence.  For those of you who are innocent like that man mentioned above, pray for divine intervention.

I am strongly against Domestic Violence.  As a survivor of Domestic Violence myself, I am an advocate for all those who suffer from this disgusting epidemic, but I dislike injustice.  Too many of you are hurting legally because someone without a conscience did you wrong.  Pray to find it in your hear to forgive them.  Do not let it eat away at you.  God will provide healing and redemption.  He will pull you through ...if you are innocent.

By hiring a criminal defense attorney, who has successfully handled numerous other domestic violence cases, you will safeguard your best interests.  You will also be informed of any possible defenses involved in your case that could help you fight your domestic violence charges in court.  Additionally, you will ensure that your rights and future well-being are protected. 

Even if you are innocent, going to a trial by a judge, taking a suspended sentence, probation,...accepting any kind of plea, is just as bad as pleading guilty.  Contact an experienced Criminal Defense Attorney If you are innocent and have been charged with a domestic Violence Offense.  You need to be acquitted by a jury trial to prevent future legal ramifications.  You owe it to your future to take care of the situation correctly.  

I am an advocate for suffers and survivors of Domestic Violence.  This post was meant for informational purposes only.  If you need legal advice, you must find a qualified professional to handle your situation. ]]><![CDATA[Domestic Abuse Can Happen In Any Family ]]>Sun, 06 Feb 2011 14:48:43 GMThttp://www.famfc.org/domestic-violence-awareness/domestic-abuse-can-happen-in-any-familyDomestic Abuse Can Happen In Any Family - Even Christian Ones 

Domestic Abuse refers to a pattern of coercive behavior exercised by one person in a relationship over another.  It is not "marital conflict," "mutual abuse," "a lovers' quarrel," or 'a private family matter."  It is a CRIME!  It is NOT an issue of anger or loss of control. 

It is about establishing control! It may consist of repeated, severe beatings, but often it consists or more subtle forms of abuse, including verbal abuse, threats and controlling behaviors. Domestic Abuse is not a respector of anyone.  Your social status, education, intellectual ability, beauty or popularity cannot save you from it, if you are with an abuser.

If any of this is happening to you, you or anyone you know, there is help available.  Do no suffer in silence.  If you or someone you know is being abused or is abusing someone, please call for help.  There is a lot of help available.

EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS
IF YOU NEED HELP AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE OR WHO TO CALL, PICK UP THE PHONE AND DIAL 211.

Someone will answer and guide you to the service that you need. 

FLORIDA ABUSE HOTLINE: The Florida Abuse Hotline serves as the central reporting center for allegations of abuse, neglect, and/or exploitation for all children and vulnerable adults in Florida.

Here are some emergency phone numbers for information about safety planning, shelters, government assistance
(food stamps, etc.), restraining orders, and more.

Florida Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-500-1119

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233

Broward County Crisis Line:
954-761-1133

Miami-Dade County Crisis Line
305-758-2546

Palm beach County Crisis Line:
561-265-2900

Monroe County Crisis Line:
305-743-4440

For more resource information and to set up a seminar with your organization or group, please request
information via EMAIL
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