For a woman, the way those experiences have impacted their emotions is the information their brain is processing. This is totally different than what happens in a man. His brain will filter the same information through learned knowledge.
Let me try and give you a picture of what all this emotional activity can do to a woman. Picture a small row boat sitting on a lake. As long as the weather remains calm, the surface of the lake is calm, and the boat can just sit there, bobbing along on the water, doing just fine.
However, if the wind should pick up, and a storm should start, that little boat can suddenly find itself in a lot of trouble. Instead of just sitting there calmly, enjoying the water, it is suddenly tossed up, down and around by the waves. The boat doesn't have any control of what's happening to it, and can only wait until it is dashed upon the rocks.
What that boat needs then, is an anchor. Something that it can tie itself to that is stronger than the storm. Without the anchor, it is doomed, but with the anchor, it can ride out the roughest storm.
This is about what happens to a woman. She is just like that little boat. When the storm hits, she has just about as much control as the boat did. At that time, she needs her husband to become an unmoving anchor for her. Unfortunately, most of the time, her anchor (husband) is too busy trying to check out the storm, or trying to avoid the storm, to make her feel safe from the storm.
So, trying to fix the problem for her, isn't going to do a woman much good. Even if the problem is fixed, she may not feel any better about it. In fact, the process of trying to fix the problem is likely to make her feel worse. It will appear to her that the problem is more important to her man than she is.
How do we become the anchor for our wives that they need? Here are some basic steps that pretty much always work, in just about any storm.
1: Hold Her: Just like the anchor holds the boat, she needs to be held. There is something about having your arms around her that can be very reassuring. Everything else can be in turmoil, but at least she can know that you're on her team. By holding her, you help reduce her world to one of the here and now, and that here and now is one that is wrapping her with protection.
So, what if she doesn't want to be held? Do it anyway. The Bible tells us to "love our wives, even as Christ loved the church" (Eph 5:25). Loving doesn't mean that we always do what they want. True love always does what is best for the other person. Even if she doesn't want to be held, that's what she needs.
2 - Tell Her "It's Okay": One of the things that makes a male into a man is accepting responsibility. Without taking responsibility, we are only male children in big bodies. When we tell our wives that "it's okay" we are sending them a message that we're taking responsibility. No longer do they have to worry about it, we're taking the load, and doing whatever is necessary for her.
3 - Pray For Her: As the "priest of the home," one of our responsibilities is to pray for our wives. This was one of the prime responsibilities of the Old Testament priesthood. Jesus, as our high priest, intercedes on our behalf (Heb 7:5). We as the priests of our homes must do the same for our congregation (family).
When we do it in their presence, they have an opportunity to see that we are providing them with the protection that they need. There is a great comfort to women in knowing that their husbands are taking the responsibility seriously to pray for them.
4- Apologize: Are you the reason why she is upset? What are you waiting for to apologize? When you know that you dis something to hurt your wife you should apologize without hesitation. Be sincere and remember to ask for her forgiveness. Depending on what you did, you may need to apologize with your words and your actions.
There you have it, four steps to apply. You don't even have to be a rocket scientist to use them. Try it sometime, you'll find that by being an anchor for her, you will do much more than you could possibly think. Her problems will be solved by your spiritual leadership, instead of by your brain.
Foot Note: This was written by a man about women.