I Wonder 

My older brother is always making fun of my new faith.  How do I get him to stop?
 
People ridicule what they don't understand or what they wish they had themselves.  It's really tough, though when it comes from someone in your own family! (Samuel 2:15)  

Your best defense is is a quiet offense:  Don't repay evil for evil.  Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you.  Instead, pay them back with a blessing.  that is what God wants you to do, and He will bless you for it. (1 Peter 3:9)  

When anyone makes fun of your faith, hold your tongue, pray for the person, be kind to him or her, and then wait for God's blessing.  This verse ends with a promise directly from God.  Though it doesn't say when or how God will bless you, it promises that he will.  

Here are some steps to take when facing opposition for your faith. (See 1 Peter 3: 13-15) First, check your attitude.  If you understand that God is allowing you to experience this for a reason, you'll be able to thank him for it.  It means that he believes in you enough to allow you to be tested!   

Second, quietly trust yourself to Christ.  You trusted Christ to be Lord of your life; now allow Him to to be Lord over your circumstances.  God is trying to develop your character.  

Third, be real and be ready to explain your faith when the opportunities arise.  Admit your faults, and don't act like you're superior or better than the other person.  This may disarm them to the point where they will see that you are not a threat.  Then you may be able to share about Christ.  

Even doing all this will may not relieve the tension.  But, "It is better to suffer for doing good...than to suffer doing wrong! (1 Peter 3:17)

The Ugly Issue of Date Rape

This article was posted here because of a question posed by a young college student.  She did not admit to being date raped, but her distress and body language suggested that she, or someone she knows was violated in a sexual way. 

Date Rape studies indicate the horrifying fact that as many as one out of every five women has been or will be raped.  In america, a rape occurs every six minutes.  One in eight female college students will experience rape or attempted rape, usually from a date or acquaintance.  Even men are not immune.  16 percent of male college students admit having being forced into having sex. (These figures do not include incest or other family-related sexual abuse.)  

Most experts agree that these frightening numbers may reflect only a fraction of the reality.  A much as 90 percent of all rapes go under reported. We have a terrible plague on our hands-one we as Christians and churches must respons to.  What should you do id you've been a rape victim?   

First, understand you are a victim.  What happened was not your fault.  If you said no, and a man, woman, any man or woman -boyfriend or girlfriend, stranger, father, step father, roommate, acquaintace- forced himself/herself on you, you were raped.  It was not your fault.   

Second, realize you are not alone.  There are unfortunately, countless women/men who share your experience, who understand your pain.  Find one of those women/men- a counselor at a rape treatment center, a hospital staff worker, or someone you know- and tell your stoy.   Please reach out to your parents or family member and get some emotional support during this really difficult time.

Talking about it helps break the power the incident(s) has over you; not talking about it will keep you a victim forever.   

Third, understand that whatever guilt you experience - and many rape victims experience intense guilt - is false guilt.  Regardless of what your conscience - or the rapist- may tell you, you did nothing to deserve this.  You may have exercised poor judgement in your choice of person, place, or activity, but that's all you're guilty of: poor judgement.  Don't take responsibility for someone else's sin.  

If you have been a rape victim, seek help.  Remember the best source of help is God himself.  He alone is able to heal your damaged body, emotions, and spirit.  Turn to God and let him make you whole again.  He can do it.     

If you are a guy who is trying to help a girl work through this shattering experience, consider this: never tell a rape victim she should "just get over it" or "get on with her life."- Every woman who has been sexually violated wants to do just that, but it is impossible to "cary on" as though the rape never happened.  Rape changes a woman's life.  Not allowing her to deal with the pain, fear and conflict encourages her to deny the problem.  The inner anguish must be dealt with.  There is no way to guage when a woman will recover from this kind of devastation.  Try to be patient, supportive, and loving.  

If you are a guy who has committed rape, or if you consider it OK to force a girl to do anything sexually against her will, consider this: There is no excuse for rape or sexual abuse.  NONE.  The Bible has very harsh words for people who commit sexual immorality and for those who victimize others.  Consider Galatians 6:7" Don't be misled.  Remember that you can't ignore God and get away with it.  You will always reap what you sow!" 

Dont think you can mock God's laws and abuse his image - which is what you do when you abuse any person.- and get away with it.  The thought of God's wrath waiting to be poured out on those who commit such sins should be enough to stop anyone in his tracks. Don't justify the act by saying "she said no, but her body said yes," or "She wouldn't have gone out with me if she didn't want it too." If a woman says no, she means no.  Ignore this and you are legally guilty of rape. - and you can go to jail.   

If you have committed this sin, cry out to God for mercy and forgiveness, and seek counseling.  If you don't, not only are innocent women in danger; so is your soul.  Don't test Gods wrath.  Confess, repent, and get help.  God is waiting- and willing to help you.  

Love VS Lust: 2 Samuel 13: 14-15: Love and lust are very different.  After Amnon raped his half-sister, his 'love' turned to hate.  Although he has claimed to be in love, he was actually overcome with lust.  Love is patient; lust requires immediate sexual satisfaction.  Love is kind; lust is harsh.  love does not demand its own way; lust does.   

You can read more about the characteristics of real love in 1 Corinthians 13.
 

A Freshers Guide: Been There, Done That! 

Some time ago I had a talk with one of my co-workers and he was distressed about his teenage children away at college.  The problem is that, they were terribly homesick and they called him several times a day.   He said he was so distraught for his children away at seperate universities, that he almost brought them home. 

After a talk with his pastor, he got the insight to transfer the less assertive, more distressed one to the university where the other one, stronger extroverted and more daring, was enrolled. Well, that happened after some long discussions with the two kids involved, about that alternative.  Lucky for him, his kids love and tolerate each other.  Now they are sharing an off campus apartment, into their second year. 

Not every parent can find such a solution.   You, yourself may not find such a cosy fix to your homesickness.  Remember, availability of financial resources is a big factor in whatever fix you may want to implement.   Honestly though, it is a good idea to let the young people tough it out, and grow into themselves.  Isn't college time, a time for them to learn to be on their own and develop personal independence?

It is definitely a time of great change when you go off to the college of your choice. You probably felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness - what would it really be like? would you cope with the work? what would the people be like? After being there a little time, the differences between your expectations and the realities began to become clear - some things may have been better than you expected, some didn't live up to your hopes, and others were just different.

Change can be both invigorating and disorientating. Away from familiar surroundings and support, we can find ourselves feeling quite daunted by tasks we would normally have coped with easily. This post aims to help you make the transition as smoothly as possible, so that you can make the most of your time in college, without all the pain and worry of being away from home alone.

Some common feelings:  You may have spent quite some time working towards getting to College.    Well you actually did...you are there, but may not have thought very much about what it would be like once you had arrived. It is very common for people to feel things like these:

• a small fish in a large pool; no longer "the best"
• that you aren't as intelligent as others, or that you won't understand the work, or you feel like an "imposter"
• uncertain whether you are here because you want to be here, or because someone else (e.g. parent or teachers) wanted it
• similarly, the choice of course or subject may not be fully yours, or as you expected
• burdened by the weight of others' expectations - for you to be doing well, or having a wonderful time...
• you may feel homesick and find this more difficult than you anticipated
• everyone else may seem to be supremely confident, making friends and doing fine, while you may be feeling quite the opposite!

Some General Strategies:  First, look after yourself!  It takes time to get to know other people, and for them to get to know you. This means that it is unlikely that others will really know how you are feeling or what you are thinking. Consequently, you need to look after yourself. Putting time and energy into arranging your life here in ways that make sense to you and are enjoyable is time well spent.

Know yourself and what you can handle:  This is a time when you can experiment and find ways of living that suit you. This can take time. But try not to be pressured by others into doing things you do not want to do, that don't feel right for you, or that you are not yet ready to tackle. Allow yourself to work within what you feel able to do, and don't live a lie: be yourself!

Confront Difficulties:  When everything is new, we can waste endless time worrying about things we don't understand or don't know. Don't be afraid to ask; you can save yourself a lot of time and energy by finding out or asking - at the start of the year others will be feeling and doing just the same, so your questions are unlikely to cause any embarrassment. Begin to see these occasions as a challenge rather than as a problem:  What can you do to change the situation?

Get/stay Fit:  It is much easier to cope with new challenges when we are fit and healthy, have a good diet and adequate sleep. (Yeah, rather difficult especially if you don't even know how to cook or prepare a meal...yes, some of you didn't spend the time to learn how.  But you will be ok.  Trust me , you will be. 

If you have been a keen sports-person, it shouldn't be difficult to find ways of maintaining this. If not, think about taking advantage of the wide range of opportunities in your college community - there is almost certain to be something which suits you.

Managing Pressure: There are times during the term when most people feel pressured. Recognise that this is a common experience, and is not just you! "Listen" to your body and feelings and work with them rather than against them. Here are some other ideas:

• plan ahead to reduce pressure
• use pressure positively - to motivate
• separate others' expectations from your own
• try changing the thoughts "have to" to "choose to"
• put it all into perspective
• reward yourself; give yourself praise for what you have achieved.

Maintain some balance in life: Don't work all the time! Take time for leisure, spiritual, physical and social activity, and time to relax. Here are two "rules of thumb" that you may find helpful and could help you work more effectively:

• take some time off work every day, Daily meditation and communication with God is such a powerful thing, if you haven't been...start communicating with his today.  
• take a whole day off work every week.  Not just to hang out, but to go to church and get some more deposits in your blessings bank.

Do work some of the time!:  It is important to keep up to date with your work as you can get a backlog very quickly and it can then feel very difficult to catch up. Problems tend to escalate, so have the courage to tackle them early!

Maintain a balance between time alone and time with others:  Friends can be a wonderful support - and a great excuse or distraction! Sort out in advance when you will be able to do things together.

Create a routine/normal pattern for your day/week:  Boring as it may sound, having some regular structure to your day/week is likely to help. Depending on your subject and timetable, there can be rather little structure in the student life. "Structure hunger" can be quite debilitating. We each work effectively in different ways and at different times of day, so devise a pattern that works for you - and keep this as your normal routine.

Separate out "work" and "not work" times and spaces: It helps to be clear with yourself when you are, and are not working. Otherwise you can find yourself thinking of all the fun things you're not doing while you are trying to work, and also find it hard to enjoy leisure time as you punish yourself for still having outstanding work. If you have planned out your work and achieved your immediate goals, then allow yourself some fun without any guilt!

Similarly, you may find it helps to separate your room(s) into working and non-working areas, however tiny these areas may be. This can help you to work more effectively when you have decided to and are in your "work-place" where you keep your books etc., and similarly help you to relax when you want to, away from your work.

If you wonder if your college is right for you after all... It is very common for new students to wonder if they have made the right decisions about their choice of university or subject. However, the great majority do find their feet and enjoy their work and time at their current university.

For some, though, it may be that this isn't the right place or subject. If you are seriously wondering about this, it is important that you speak to your tutor before you make any final decision. The Careers Service or Counselling Service at your school, may also be able to help you find the direction that is best for you - whether this is at your current university, or elsewhere.

When you could use some additional support:  There is usually a wide range of excellent support available in the different universities, and more that is open to you in the locality of your college community. You don't have to maintain an "I'm OK" image all of the time! If you feel that you need to talk over how you are getting on in college, seek out someone to talk to sooner rather than later:

• Friends or family
• Tutor or Supervisor
• Careers Service
• Chaplain /Pastor/ Minister 
• Student Union or Graduate Union
• University Counselling Service
• Use whatever resource is available to you.