Let's Take Out The Trash
by Marcos Witt

I remember it like it was yesterday, the bell that sounded sharply as someone ran through the neighborhood announcing the imminent arrival of the garbage truck. This was planned to give us just enough time to collect all bags and cans of garbage and put them on the curb for the truck to take. Many times, we managed to hear the bell with plenty of time to anticipate its arrival and the task was carried out quietly and orderly. 

Other times, it caught us by surprise and we would run wildly through the house trying to get it all together before the garbage truck came by. Occasionally, we could not finish collecting all the trash in time for the truck to take it. When that happened, our garbage would accumulate until it was trash day again. It is very unpleasant to live with trash!

The same thing happens in our own lives. We have all probably collected emotional baggage or refuse over the years. For example, when someone causes us pain and wounds our heart and it is not repaired, we may begin to harbor bad feelings in some corner of our heart. Or maybe we took the time to do some good for someone at the cost of much effort and even personal sacrifice, and we do not even receive a simple thank you. 

Or sometimes, we feel pain because someone fails us; maybe they forgot that appointment or that special date, birthday, anniversary. As the years add up, we can accumulate all this pain, despair, discouragement, resentment, envy, anger, rage, disappointment, and thousands of negative feelings that will begin to fill our being with the odor of bitterness and hatred. Don't go around with that in your life. Let's take out the trash!

The other day, I felt great sadness as I read an article in my local newspaper about two individuals at a traffic light who got so upset with one another because neither one of them wanted to give way to the other. They began to yell and curse at each other, to the extent of stopping all the traffic. They then proceeded to get out of their cars and the fight escalated until they came to blows. After it reached that point, it didn't take long for them to take out guns, and they ended each other's lives. 

I have no doubt that both individuals had accumulated a lot of emotional baggage that they had not bothered to throw away, and when they least expected it the baggage overwhelmed and destroyed them. They could no longer bear the weight of all that pain, bitterness, and the troubles of life. They died consumed by their awful bitterness, leaving their families and loved ones in terrible pain, all because they didn't take out their garbage.

How do we get rid of our emotional baggage or refuse? My first suggestion is that daily we decide to get rid of it so it does not accumulate. Every day, before bedtime, make sure you are at peace with yourself and with everyone in your life. It is so much easier to take out the trash in small portions than to wait until it is too much for you to carry alone. The sooner we deal with the pain, disappointment, resentment or hatred, the sooner we will recover our peace. 

Obviously, some events in life will require a longer or slower process to heal. A divorce, abandonment, disappointment in love, death, fraud, and betrayal are all circumstances that cause painful and unpredictable emotions. These are emotions that many of us can't handle by ourselves. For many, it will require professional help and a steady determination to not allow the pain a

Here are some practical steps to take:

1.  Pray. When we entrust our lives to God, we realize how small our problem is when compared to His greatness and this keeps everything else in perspective.

2.  Make a list of the events or persons that caused you the most pain and add all the details you can remember. Then write a letter to that person about the situation and your feelings and finalize it by letting them know you forgive them. Afterward, destroy the letter. Make sure that no one else would be able to read it. We don't want to hurt anyone else with what hurt us.

3.  Exercise. Make your cardiovascular system work. This will help you get rid of all that emotional garbage through your pores.

4.  Seek the advice of someone who is impartial to the situation and who is capable of giving good advice. Many times, we trust someone and share our hurts with someone who is bitterer than we are and all we accomplish is to double out anger and bitterness.

"Ding… ding." What's that sound? It's the sound of my imaginary bell announcing the imminent arrival of the emotional garbage truck. Take advantage of this time, pick up all your emotional garbage, and let us all help make sure that you are totally free of it. Don't let too much time pass or you might miss the garbage truck!



Marcos Witt grew up in Mexico as a son of Missionaries. He is a recognized musician, psalmist, composer, writer, and conference speaker. Marcos has received two Latin Grammys in the category of Christian Music. He is founder of CanZion Institute, a school dedicated to the training of Worship Ministers and was named Senior Pastor of the Hispanic congregation at Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas in 2002.

Cultivating Gratitude

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." -Johannes A. Gaertner

Most spiritual and psychological traditions speak of the importance of cultivating a sense of gratitude in life, if one is to evolve into higher realms of human existence and consistently experience joy, aliveness and meaning in one’s life. This is especially true here in the Western world, where we are bombarded with the lure and illusory promise of material things from the moment we are born. 

Our entire consumer-oriented culture is based on convincing people that the real solution to their unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life is that they need to buy something they do not yet have (and often really do not need), and then making them feel even worse if they can’t or won’t buy it. All of our major indices of prosperity and success are based on the idea that consumption is good, and more consumption is better. 

Consequently, even if we do buy the latest thing, our satisfaction is short-lived and fades as soon as the next new gizmo comes out. As a result, people feel badly if their house "only" has 2000 square feet and their car has not grown to tank-size proportions like the ones they see in their neighbor’s driveway and their boat is only twenty feet long.

But what inner qualities does this entire industry of induced consumption breed in us? Unfortunately, it has created a nation of greedy, envious, self-serving, worried, competitive people who tend to put more attention on what they don’t have then what they have, creating more craving, more desire, more emptiness, and more longing. Compare this attitude with that of the philosopher Epictetus, who said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." 

And this attitude of dissatisfaction exists in a country which has more material prosperity than any country in history. Just how fortunate are we in the United States? According to recent estimates by the United Nations, worldwide, about 24,000 people die every day from hunger or hunger-related causes; some 800 million people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition; and 1.6 billion people still live in absolute poverty. 

If one includes those living in "relative poverty", the poor population across the globe amounts to 3.3 billion, more than half of the entire world. In other words, over 50% of the population on Earth would be thrilled beyond belief to live at the standard of most Americans. And yet for so many of us, it’s still not enough.

Which is where gratitude comes in. We need a major attitude shift if we are to create healthier relationships, more inner serenity, fulfillment and meaningful lives. Cicero once wrote, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." Gratitude paves the way for a host of other very positive qualities to emerge.

How we can cultivate more of this wonderful quality within ourselves and others? We can begin by starting a Gratitude Journal, writing down all things, both great and small, that we are grateful for in our life. Nothing is too small or insignificant to be included, because the scale of gratitude knows no bounds. You can be as grateful for the flower that bloomed today as for the home you live in, the health of your family, and the look in your dog’s eye when you come home. Review your list daily.

In terms of our relationships, we tend to take our spouses, lovers, significant others and friends for granted. There is no greater gift than to tell a loved one how much you appreciate their presence in your life. Countless times we have seen resentment and anger melt away in the presence of sincere gratitude and appreciation. 

Call a friend or relative, or write a letter to let someone know what they mean to you, even if they are healthy and not in crisis. It’s also a wonderful practice to have an entire family express gratitude together on a regular basis; the earlier children start the greater their capacity for gratitude becomes.

The consistent practice of expressing gratitude also reminds us that we do not live alone; we survive only because we are constantly receiving goods from people, from nature, and from spirit. Gratitude helps us to be more aware of the many things that we receive from other people, and realize that our lives depend on the perpetual giving of others, and we feel a deeper responsibility to give more of ourselves.

Albert Einstein said, "A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving".

In closing, here's a wonderful quote by Melody Beattie:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." 

What Is Your Occupation?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. 

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.   

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,   
'do you have a job or are you just a?' 

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 

'I'm a Mom.' 

'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 
'housewife' covers it,' 
Said the recorder emphatically. 
 
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.   
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, 
efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.' 

'What is your occupation?' she probed. 

What made me say it?  I do not know.   
The words simply popped out.   
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of 
Child Development and Human Relations.' 

The clerk paused, ball -point pen frozen in midair and 
looked up as though she had not heard right.   

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. 
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, 
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. 

Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?' 

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, 
I heard myself reply, 
'I have a continuing program of research, 
(what mother doesn't) 
In the laboratory and in the field, 
(normally I would have said indoors and out.)   
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) 
and already have four credits (all daughters).  

Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) 
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).   
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers 
and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.' 

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. 

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.  
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, 
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, 
testing out a new vocal pattern. 

I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!  
And I had gone on the official records as someone more 
distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'   

Motherhood!   
What a glorious career!   
Especially when there's a title on the door. 

Does this make grandmothers 
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' 
And great grandmothers 
'Executive Senior Research Associates?'   
I think so!!!   
I also think it makes Aunts  
Associate Research Assistants.' 

May your troubles be less, 
Your blessings be more, 
And nothing but happiness come through your Door!

Have a very Happy Mother’s day.

 

Dealing with Anger

Everywhere you look in today’s world, we are hearing about people expressing anger, often in a destructive, inappropriate way. "Rage" used to be a term reserved for strange, out-of-control people, but now we have road rage, workplace rage and even airplane rage. Violent outbursts are commonplace on TV talk shows. Gun rampages in public places have become a typical news event. What’s going on? 

American culture has a bizarre relationship with the energy of anger and its inappropriate expression as violence. In our consumer lifestyle, we know that violence sells. The promotion of violence is a multi-billion dollar business, affecting virtually every aspect of our lives. Think for a moment about the expressions of violence on TV, movies, video games, professional sports, and many forms of recreation. 

We dare not show a single naked breast or penis on TV, which would never be acceptable by any means, but we can show hundreds of horrible, bloody murders every day of the week. A startling statistic is that by the time they finish elementary school, the average American child (who watches just 3.5 hours of TV a week) will have witnessed 12,000 murders and more than 150,000 other acts of violence on TV. 

We teach our children to not hit their siblings and then roar in delight at the vicious fight at the hockey game or the bone-crushing tackle at the football game. The top stories on our local news are often nothing more than a review of the most sensationally violent acts in our community in the past day. By virtually any measure you use, American society is the most violent society in the history of recorded civilization.

This is some evidence that we are modeling what we learn through the media, where violence is often presented with few realistic consequences. The National Television Violence Study in 1995 found that 47% of the violent acts shown resulted in no observable harm to the victim; only 16% of violent shows contained a message about the long term negative repercussions of violence; and in a whopping 73% of all violent scenes, the perpetrator went unpunished. 

The study found 44% of the shows on network stations contained at least some violence, compared with 59% on basic cable and 85% on premium channels. It’s interesting to note that the more money people pay for a television service, the more violence it contains! 

Studies by George Gerbner, Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania have shown that children who watch a lot of television are more likely to think that the world is a mean and dangerous place; they become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others; and they are more likely to behave in aggressive or harmful ways toward others.

With adults, people who cannot deal appropriately with their anger teach their children that violence is an acceptable way to deal with conflict. Men who have witnessed their parents' domestic violence are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than children of non violent parents, with the sons of the most violent parents being 1000 times more likely to become perpetrators of violent acts toward women. During each year women were the victims of more than 4.5 million violent crimes, including approximately 500,000 rapes or other sexual assaults. In 29 percent of the violent crimes against women by lone offenders the perpetrators were husbands, former husbands, boyfriends or former boyfriends.

So why as a culture do we teach, promote, and model destructive, inappropriate, unrealistic expressions of anger? We are fascinated with anger and violence because we are terrified of and uncomfortable with our own power. As a culture, we try to make nice, to make believe that we are not angry people, and harshly judge others that are. Our anger is the shadow side of the positive, upbeat, prosperous American psyche. 

Violence sells because it is tapping into a deeply repressed aspect of the American psyche. We tuck our anger away in the darkest, most shameful recesses of our minds and hearts, and then are horrified and surprised when it comes blasting out. Yet it is a fundamental principle of psychology that whatever we disown, cut off or otherwise repress in our psyche becomes stronger than it actually is, and eventually will force us to recognize its existence by coming to the surface in a distorted, exaggerated or impulsive manner.

So if there is an answer to this issue of anger and violence, it is that we all must recognize, befriend and own our own power, our own potential for anger and even violence, and come to terms with that energy. Anger is an energy that can be harnessed and channeled in any number of ways, some of them very constructive. But that can only happen if we’re willing to look our own anger straight in the eye without fear, denial or minimization. Anger is the elephant in our collective living rooms that no one wants to talk about other than in harsh, judgmental terms about other people.